Conflict

The foundation

Safety First!

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Web Wisdom

"Emotional and personal safety" in a relationship is like a sturdy foundation.

It means feeling secure, respected, and valued.

This safety allows open communication, trust, and support.

It's essential for a healthy and fulfilling connection.

Just as a strong foundation supports a house, emotional and personal safety supports a strong and lasting relationship, ensuring both partners can be themselves and grow together positively

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Podcast & Youtube Links

What makes a good life?

Sleep is your super - power

Author's Opinion

Book: Why has nobody told me this before? By Dr Julie Smith 2022 On Dark Places

5. How to get the basics right. - The Foundation Topic

Summary:

Our mental health defense players provide the foundation of good health.

When we nurture them daily they pay us back with interest.

If you do one thing today, make it exercise.

Choose something you really enjoy and you will increase your chances of keeping it going.

The relationship between sleep and mental health works both ways.

Prioritizing sleep will help your mental health.

And making changes to your day will affect your sleep.

How you feed your brain influences how you feel.

Traditional Mediterranean, Japanese and Norwegian diets show benefits for mental health.

Human connection is a powerful tool for stress resilience. Your relationships change your biology and psychology.

6. Understanding motivation Go To: Authors Opinion - Motivation

Author's Opinion 3

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024 Adapted from; J&Z Consulting Ltd

The foundation

Individual growth -safety -trust -skills -self - worth

Relationship growth -safety -trust -skills -harmony

Importance of the Foundation:

For individuals to grow to be healthy adults, there needs to be a foundation

At the base of the foundation is safety. Without safety it is very difficult to grow. We can become stuck emotionally.

Without safety it is difficult to learn to trust. We need to learn trust - of ourselves and others - to keep ourselves safe, to take appropriate learning risks and to develop healthy relationships with others.

We need to learn skills for living independently as an adult and for being in relationships with others. The skills we learn on a foundation of safety and trust are quite different from the skills we learn on a foundation that is not safe and not trustworthy.

We also need to develop a strong and realistic sense of self-worth. If our skills lead to positive outcomes, it is easy to have a sense of self - worth. If our skills do not lead to a positive outcome, we do not have an accurate sense of self - worth.

If a sense of self- worth is not healthy, it is difficult to be successful independently as an adult and in a relationship with others.

Relationships have the same foundational needs, and they depend on individual foundation to support it.

**Relationships need to be based on a foundation of safety, trust and good skills if they are going to survive and work well. **

This means that both people in it need to be able to provide a foundation for each other. This can only happen if each person comes into the relationship with a strong personal foundation.

If we don't know how to keep ourselves safe, it is difficult to keep others safe. Substance abuse, risky activities, poor health, mental illness, vulnerability, abusive behavior and violence can result.

An inability to set appropriate boundaries may result. A distorted view of what is safe will develop. Since we all seek to feel safe, we will find it in places that are comparatively safer, but still not safe - for example, the street versus an abusive home.

If we don't know how to trust ourselves or trust others, it will be difficult to develop intimacy and commitment in the relationship. Jealousy and unfaithfulness may result, as well as isolation and withdrawal from others.

If we don't have skills for problem solving and communication, and basic living skills, the day-to-today stresses of life together will begin to build. If one of the skills we do have is violence and abuse, then the relationship will be in trouble.

If our sense of self worth is limited, this can cause a variety of unhealthy behaviors. It can lead to jealousy. It can lead to vulnerability and abuse. It can lead to being abusive.

The wonderful thing about being an adult is that anything we didn't get as a child we can provide for ourselves as adults.

The two most important things are:

-knowing what we need to work on

-caring about ourselves enough to do it

Quote: Daisy Bates - Surely the world we live in is but the world that lives in us.

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Updated: November 2023

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