Coping

Criticism

Accusations or abuse?

Your opinion matters
Your opinion matters
Web Wisdom

"Being critical" in a relationship means consistently finding fault or accusing each other.

If this criticism feels like abuse or even abuse in disguise—where it's harmful and demeaning—it's crucial to recognize it and take action to cahnge.

Emotional abuse, even if subtle, is very harmful. It's similar to physical abuse, except the bruises are inside of us.

Identifying the different forms of abuse allows you to set boundaries, seek support, and ensure a healthy relationship where both partners feel respected and valued.

https://bigjakeconnects.org/topic/home-improvement

Your Toolbox 1

If CRITICISM is verbally attacking a personality or character,

then the way to stop this is by talking about your feelings using the "I" statements and express a positive need.

Continuum of abuse - there is non, abuse is abuse!

Your Toolbox 2

**Types of abuse; **

Power and control wheel:

-physical

-emotional

-social

-financial

-intelectual

-using children

-cultural

-male privilege

-verbal

-sexual

-pets and property

-spiritual

Author's Opinion 1

Abuse: Power & Control

Abuse:

Any form of behavior that a person uses to harm, to frighten, control, manipulate, or humiliate another person.

Violence

Any attempt to impose ones will on another in a way that denies their human dignity

Relationship abuse

Any incident of controlling, coercive, threatening behavior.

(The behavior is used by one person in a relationship to control the other.)

Emotional abuse

Any act intended to undermine another’s emotional well being

Intellectual abuse

Any act intended to make another person question their intellect

Financial abuse

Any intentional act that deprives the other person (or their children) of financial security or limits access to financial decision making.

Pets and property abuse

Hurting pets or damaging property to intimidate, control and hurt another

Male privilege abuse

Any intentional act that gives power over females due to gender alone.

Psychological / mental abuse

Any act intended to undermine another’s mental well-being

Physical threat physical abuse

Any unwanted physical contact or threat of physical contact

Verbal abuse

Any words or volume or tone of voice to threaten, belittle or injure another

Sexual abuse

Any unwanted sexual behavior, action, or words that hurt sexually

Spiritual abuse

Any words or action that damages another spiritually (religious or inner being)

Using children

Any involvement or use of children in the abuse

Social abuse

Any attempt to cut the other off from sources of support and care, or to control another’s social media/ way of communicating

Cultural abuse

Any use of cultural ideas as a way to dominate another

Author's Opinion 2

Book: Why has nobody told me this before? By Dr Julie Smith 2022 On Self -doubt

18. Dealing with criticism and disapproval - Criticism Topic

Summary:

Learning the skills to deal with criticism and disapproval in a healthy way is a crucial life skill.

We are built to care what others think of us, so telling ourselves that we don't care is not the answer.

People -pleasing is more than just being nice to people. It is the persistent placing of others wants or needs above your own, even to the detriment of your own health and wellbeing.

Understanding why some people are highly critical helps.

Nurturing your own self-worth and resilience to shame is both possible and potentially life-altering.

18. The key to building confidence Go To: Authors Opinion - Courage Topic

Book: Happy Life Happy Mind - Dr Rangan Chatterjee 2022

Humans can be incredibly judgemental about others.

In most cases the root cause is a feeling of inadequacy and not feeling good enough in ourselves.

On other occasions it comes from jealousy, which itself comes from a fear of not being truly lovable for who we are.

We make ourselves feel better by looking down on others.

Holding onto judgment of others keeps that version of them alive in your mind and this will slowly burn away your inner happiness like acid.

-Is this way I feel about that other person really true?

-Why is this situation really bothering me?

-How would I feel if I chose a different perspective?

-What is stopping me from making them a hero (not an enemy) and choosing a story that empowers me rather than enslaves me?

Author's Opinion 3

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Adapted from Dr. Gottmann 2000

When you criticize your partner you are basically implying that there is something wrong with them.

Using words like: "you always" or " you never" are common ways to criticize.

Your partner is most likely to feel under attackand respond defensively.

This is a dangerous pattern to get into because neither person is feeling heard.

Complaints are expressed as an attack on the other person. "you're so thoughtless" "You never clean up after yourself"

The antidote to criticism is to make a direct complaint on a person's action, not on the person herself, saying how their action made you feel.

Your Opinion Matters
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Updated: November 2023

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