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Listening

Hearing & caring

Your opinion matters
Your opinion matters
Web Wisdom

Listening is about talking or confiding in someone about things that interest, matter or important to you.

It is about feeling connected.

Feeling heard, feeling acknowledged for who you are, a human being with needs, wants and opinions.

This is often called, to be validated, and a process of caring from the heart. A genuine depth of gratitude, empathy and compassion for yourself and for others.

To give and receive from each other words that are kind, respectful, non judgemental.

Words that lift each other up and bring lightness and happiness into your life, even though life circumstances or events might be challenging.

https://bigjakeconnects.org/topic/home-improvement

Your Toolbox

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024 Adapted from David D Burns MD 1989

12 good reasons NOT to listen

Truth

I'm right and you are wrong

Blame

It’s all your fault

Defensiveness

I have every right to defend myself.

Mistrust

If I listen to you, you will take advantage of me.

Denial

I'm the victim here. The problem isn’t my fault

Entitlement

You should be the way I expect you to be.

Control

I want to keep you in a one-down position

Power

I enjoy intimidating you. I like to keep you under my thumb.

Competition

One of us must win and one of us must lose

Revenge

I have the right to punish you. You deserve to suffer.

Problem-solving

We have a problem, we should try to solve it.

Hidden agendas

I don't really want to get close to you

Podcast & Youtube Links

Podcast: Dr Vivek Murthy Revealing conversation www.drchatterjee.com/114

Five ways to listen better

The power of listening

Author's Opinion 1

Book: Happy Mind Happy Life Dr Rangan Chatterjee 2022

Ten Rules for Listening

-ONE - be non-judgemental

-TWO - be curious

-THREE -practice true empathy:

Not “I know how you are feeling” but “I dont know how you are feeling, but I am here for you”

-FOUR -take time to really listen;

Don't just think about the next thing you are going to say.

-FIVE -show them you are listening with your body language - posture, tone of voice, eye contact, not being distracted by your phone.

-SIX -Dont Try to predict where the conversation will go next.

-SEVEN - embrace silence

-EIGHT -repeat back what they are saying in your own language (words)

-NINE -dont try to fix them or rush in to tell them what you would do.

Instead, try asking: “How did that feel for you?” and then actively listen without interruption.

-TEN -have no attachment to the outcome of the conversation.

Author's Opinion 2

Book: Why has nobody told me this before? By Dr Julie Smith 2022 On Grief

17. The pillars of strength Listening Topic

Summary:

We can rebuild a life after bereavement with time, work and persistence.

Create new ways you can feel close to your loved one with a special place or memorial.

Listen to your needs as much as you can along the way.

There is no correct way to express your grief.

Drop any expectations about how much time you should spend grieving.

18. Dealing with criticism and disapproval Go To: Authors Opinion Criticism Topic

Author's Opinion 3

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024 Adapted from David D Burns MD 1991

Five secrets of effective communication:

Empathy:

Find some truth in what the other person is saying, even if it seems totally unreasonable or unfair.

Put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to see the world through their eyes.

Paraphrase the other person’s words

Acknowledge how the other person is probably feeling, based on what she or he said.

Ask gentle , probing questions to learn more about what the other person is thinking and feeling.

Assertiveness:

Express your own ideas and feelings in a direct, tactful manner. Use “I feel” statements, such as”I feel upset” rather than “you” statements , such as “You’re wrong!” or “You’re making me furious!”

Respect:

Convey an attitude of respect, even if you feel frustrated or angry with the other person. Find something genuinely positive to say to the other person, even in the heat of the battle.

Your Opinion Matters
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Updated: November 2023

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