Self-Reflection

Boundaries

Understanding the rules

Your opinion matters
Your opinion matters
Web Wisdom

Boundaries in relationships set clear behavioral expectations about how you and your partner want to be treated.

This is important because you and your partner can then better understand each other's needs and respect each other’s individual preferences.

Having this clarity can help prevent misunderstandings and conflicts and lead to healthier and more satisfying relationships where everyone feels safer and more valued.

Your Toolbox

Extract from: Owning our Struggles by Minaa B. 2023

Setting boundaries guideline.

Reminders about boundaries:

Please recognize that “I don't want to” is a very clear boundary and not another way of saying no. It's not an invitation for you to try to change someone’s mind.

Stop telling people “it's ok” when it is not.

You're probably aware that if you set a boundary, the whole dynamic of your relationship will change, maybe even fall apart.

You can have compassion for people, their struggles and their trauma and you can have boundaries and safeguard yourself from people who cause you harm and abuse due to their trauma.

When erecting boundaries with harmful people, there might be times when you have to resort to avoidance or ghosting in order to protect yourself from harm.

You cannot control how people respond to your boundaries.

Podcast & Youtube Links

How to speak up for yourself

What porcupines teach us about boundaries

Boundaries of wellbeing

BigJake's Thoughts

There seems to be a lot of focus on maintaining proper boundaries and this whole idea of personal boundaries and space.

I understand the theory of it, but in practice I find it very difficult to do.

We all have a right to express our individuality and there should be a measure of respect, tolerance and freedom to live our life according to our values and beliefs.

In a relationship or spending time where others are in or near your personal space it does make sense to have conversation around some rules or guidelines that address boundaries that are important to each other.

Just sitting down and having a conversation about boundary expectations will help all to hear the view of others and find a collaborative way of solving future conflict.

Author's Opinion

Extract from: Owning our Struggles by Minaa B. 2023

All relationships require boundaries

Boundaries are about setting limits with ourselves and others, to effectively manage our time , feel safe in our relationships, preserve our energy, and have our needs met.

ABC model:

A- Activating event: What or who triggered you?

B- Beliefs, both explicit and implicit What are the positive and the negative thoughts you have about the activating event or person?

C- Consequences (positive or negative) that manifest both behaviorally and emotionally How did you react behaviourally? How did you react emotionally? How did your body respond (shutting down, dissociation, fatigue)?

Five life boundaries: Physical Emotional Time Sectual Intelectual

Setting boundary limits BEST:

B- Boundary: What is the boundary you plan to set? And with whom?

E- Emotional awareness: What emotional responses are you experiencing as a result of wanting to set this boundary (guilt, anxiety, fear)?

S- Self-soothing: What self-soothing technique will you use to regulate these emotions (meditation, deep breathing, grounding, exercise, journaling)?

T- Alternative thoughts What negative thoughts are you experiencing? Are they rational or irrational? What is an alternative positive thought for every negative one?

Your Opinion Matters
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Updated: November 2023

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