Communication :: BigJake Connects Society

Communication

Builds connection

Your opinion matters

Love

Web Wisdom

Conversation is about communication and talking or confiding in someone about things that interest, matter or important to you.

It is about feeling connected.

Feeling heard, feeling acknowledged for who you are, a human being with needs, wants and opinions.

This is often called, to be validated, and a process of caring from the heart.

A genuine depth of gratitude, empathy and compassion for yourself and for others.

To give and receive from each other words that are kind, respectful and not judgemental.

Words that lift each other up and bring lightness and happiness into your life, even though life circumstances or events might be challenging.

https://bigjakeconnects.org/topic/home-improvement

Your Toolbox 1

Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Communication skills:

-Respect -Empathy -Caring -Listening -Paraphrasing -Perception Checking -Behaviour Description -Description of feelings - 'I' messages

Communication styles;

Passive Communication Assertive communication Aggressive Communication

Your Toolbox 2

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Five things to consider before you speak:

IS IT TRUE?

-My truth?

-Scientific truth?

-Her truth?

-Emotional truth?

-Our truth?

IS IT USEFUL?

-Important for us both to know?

-Important for her to know?

IS IT TIMELY?

-Does it feel like now is the only time to say it?

-Is there a better time to say this?

When things are calmer?

After I return from time-out?

When the children are asleep or at least not around?

IS IT WISE?

-What is my motive for saying this?

To improve my standing - prove my point?

To inform my partner -to increase understanding?

To justify my actions?

IS IT COMING FROM MY RESOURCED “I”?

-Am I aware of all the above considerations?

-Does what I want to say reflect my values?

-Did I take time to consider the “impact” before I started to speak?

“Engage brain before mouth”

This is the great motto in relationships- especially complicated ones.

Podcast & Youtube Links

Podcast: Dr Vivek Murthy Get to know yourself www.drchatterjee.com/114

How miscommunication happens and how to avoid it

https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy84OGE5MDA4Yy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw/episode/Y2E2NTc1NzAtMDEwNS00ZDU0LTllYTQtYThkZTZhZDllZjM5?sa=X&ved=0CAgQuIEEahcKEwjQl_2d2tKEAxUAAAAAHQAAAAAQRA

Author's Opinion 1

Book: Happy Mind Happy Life Dr Rangan Chatterjee 2022

No one fully listens until you’re connected. By connecting you create space for empathy.

In her wonderful book Reclaiming Conversation: The power to talk in a digital age, Sherry Turkle writes that “empathy is not merely about giving someone information or helping them find a support group.

It is about convincing another person that you are there for the duration. Empathy means staying long enough for someone to believe that you want to know how they feel, not that you want to tell them what to do in their circumstances.

Empathy requires time and emotional discipline”.

When you are listening fully, and being truly empathetic, you become humbled.

You often realize that. Actually, you don't know how the other person is feeling.

This is why it is crucial to be attentive, patient and caring.

**Understand that being vulnerable is your superpower. And don't be afraid. **

Make time for regular catch-ups with people you feel close to and people who will hear and see you.

Be someone else’s miracle by creating a safe space for others to take off their “masks” with you.

**Taking off our masks is about trust, connection and love. **

Something powerful happens when we are properly listened to and valued.

Author's Opinion 2

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

-Good communication

This is one of the most important components.

It is so important to ask if we’re not sure what what our partners means and to speak honestly and openly so that miscommunication is avoided in the first place.

It is important not to keep feeling bottled up because of fear that it may not be what your partner wanted to hear.

Keep the communication open; however, if you need time to think something through before you’re ready to talk about it, say so, and the “right”person will give you some space to do that.

Humor is also part of good communication, but it should never be used to be hurtful or to make a point.

Author's Opinion 3

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Verbal Communication

Useful speaking behaviors:

Be clear and concise in your messages.

Try not to give mixed messages in what you say.

Speak respectfully in a normal tone of voice and speak to the other person the way you would like to be spoken to

Check with the listener to make sure you are understood

Use “I” messages in place of “You” messages

Avoid language that blames or shames the listener

“I” messages:

Are especially useful when disagreeing or in conflict with another person, or when a person is emotional

Helps others understand what you thinking and how you are feeling and what you might need or want

Helps the other person understand where you are coming from and what you need without blaming or shaming them

Show respect for yourself and the other person

On the other hand “you” messages:

-attempt to tell people what to do and manipulate them by judging them and using guilt or blame

-Cause defensiveness

-Make the other person responsible for your thoughts and feelings

*Examples: *

-”you make me so mad”

“You are lazy” “You made such a mess in the kitchen”

“You never listen to me”

Rather say:*

“I feel so frustrated today”

“I got so angry when I came home and saw the kids made such a mess in the kitchen”

“I really wish they would clean up after themselves”

I feel frustrated when my suggestions aren't heard”

Remember:

Some “You” statements can be very helpful: “You are very kind and caring” and some “I” statements can be very unhelpful: “I hate you”**

Respectful caring communication is a key to building better relationships.

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Updated: November 2023