Coping

Emotional health

Core Happiness

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Core happiness

Emotional health and managing your emotions effectively is crucial to your mental and physical wellness.

There are practices such as mindfulness or meditation that can help you stay focused on the present and bring awareness of feelings and emotions without judging them.

Core Happiness is a term developed by Dr Rangan Chatterjee and is explained more fully under Authors Opinion 2 in the next section.

It is essential to understand how this can benefit you on your journey to emotional wellness.

https://bigjakeconnects.org/topic/home-improvement

Your Toolbox

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024 Adapted from David D Burns MD 1991

Five secrets of effective communication:

Empathy:

Find some truth in what the other person is saying, even if it seems totally unreasonable or unfair.

Put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to see the world through their eyes.

Paraphrase the other person’s words

Acknowledge how the other person is probably feeling, based on what she or he said.

Ask gentle , probing questions to learn more about what the other person is thinking and feeling.

Assertiveness:

Express your own ideas and feelings in a direct, tactful manner. Use “I feel” statements, such as”I feel upset” rather than “you” statements , such as “You’re wrong!” or “You’re making me furious!”

Respect:

Convey an attitude of respect, even if you feel frustrated or angry with the other person. Find something genuinely positive to say to the other person, even in the heat of the battle.

Podcast & Youtube Links

All it takes is 10 mindfull minutes

How emotionally are you?

Author's Opinion 1

Extract from: Owning our Struggles by Minaa B. 2023

Developing emotional maturity and resilience… And growing in the face of adversity

What does Emotional immaturity looks like?

Getting defensive in response to difficult conversations or being challenged - especially when you are challenged for the harm you caused

-Engaging in impulsive (sometimes destructive) behaviors

-Blaming others for your mistakes instead of taking responsibility

-Throwing tantrums and lashing out when you feel difficult emotions

-Making other people responsible for fixing your feelings

-Being unable to plan or commit to plans , people, or responsibilities

-Being unable to hear the needs of others

-Having a lack of desire to change or problem solve

-Expecting others to adjust , while making no effort to compromise

-Having a lack of self-awareness and personal agency

-Emotional maturity is developed through learning emotional intelligence- which is our ability to perceive, process, regulate, and manage our emotions in a healthy manner.

What does Building emotional maturity looks like?

-Learning to identify and name what you feel instead of pretending not to care or be un-bothered by things.

-Learning to manage your uncomfortable feelings instead of getting your feelings control you

-Learning to be an active listener with the intent to understand b (and not judge, defend, or deflect)

-Expressing your emotions in a healthy and respectful manner

-Thinking before you react

-Paying attention to triggers and body’s warning signs

-Feeling your emotions without judgment or shame

-Investigating the cause of your emotions

-Learning to take ownership of your choices and stop blaming people for your actions

Author's Opinion 2

Book: Happy Mind Happy Life - Dr Rangan Chatterjee 2022

What is Core Happiness?

-It's about moving your baseline level of happiness upwards so that you feel negative emotions less often, and for shorter bursts.

-It's about developing a resilient bubble of happiness around you that offers protection from the inevitable stresses and strains of life.

-It's about making sure your happiness is not overly dependent on other people or external events.

-It's about treating happiness as you'd treat your physical body, making it stronger with smart and effective regular practice.

So how does it work?

You can picture Core Happiness as a three-legged stool (chair). Each of the legs is separate, but essential. If one of them is knocked away, your feelings of happiness will probably collapse.

The first leg of the stool is contentment. Feeling content means being at peace with your life and your decisions.

The second leg is control. Being in control means that you feel able to make meaningful decisions and that nothing, within reason, has the power to overwhelm you.

The third leg is alignment. Feeling aligned means that the person you want to be, and the person you are actually being out there in the world, are one and the same. You are aligned when your inner values and your day-to-day actions match up.

The important thing to remember about Core Happiness is that it isn't a final destination you’ll one day reach and that everything will just be pure joy forever.

*This is a journey. *

The three legged stool does not stay upright all the time for anyone. Some days will be better than other days.

But with regular practice, your Core Happiness stool will certainly become more stable.

If you want bigger muscles, you've got to do resistance training regularly. Core Happiness works the same way. You must feed the part of you that you want to grow.

The stronger your Core Happiness is, the closer you'll move to being that happy, carefree person you once were.

Author's Opinion 3

ABCDE model of emotions

Action happend,

we have a belief

Then Emotional consequences

Decide what to do

and it always has an Effect

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Updated: November 2023

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