7 Principles of living

Respect

Dignity & honour

Your opinion matters
Your opinion matters
Web Wisdom

Having respect in a relationship is treating each other with dignity and honor.

It's crucial for mutual understanding and a healthy connection.

It is the foundation of building trust.

Respect means valuing each other's thoughts, feelings, and boundaries.

It's the key to maintaining a strong and honorable relationship, where both partners feel valued and appreciated.

Your Toolbox 1

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

-Mutual respect

Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other person is and understands - and would never challenge - the other person's boundaries.

Does your partner listen when you say you’re not comfortable doing something and then back off right away?

Does your partner really appreciate you just the way you are, without you having to act like someone you are not?

Your Toolbox 2

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024 Adapted from David D Burns MD 1991

Five secrets of effective communication:

Empathy:

Find some truth in what the other person is saying, even if it seems totally unreasonable or unfair.

Put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to see the world through their eyes.

Paraphrase the other person’s words

Acknowledge how the other person is probably feeling, based on what she or he said.

Ask gentle , probing questions to learn more about what the other person is thinking and feeling.

Assertiveness:

Express your own ideas and feelings in a direct, tactful manner. Use “I feel” statements, such as”I feel upset” rather than “you” statements , such as “You’re wrong!” or “You’re making me furious!”

Respect:

Convey an attitude of respect, even if you feel frustrated or angry with the other person. Find something genuinely positive to say to the other person, even in the heat of the battle.

Podcast & Youtube Links

How to transform from self - neglect to self - respect

Why its worth listening to people you disagree with

Author's Opinion 3

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Conflict with Respect

Arguments can be a useful way to solve problems, or they can be a never ending battle that can increase tension and the risk of abuse.

The central theme here is RESPECT.

Can you offer your partner respect even when you’re upset?

The following guidelines can make a difference:

DANGEROUS: The “negative start-up”

“Why am I the only one who does any cleaning around here?”

It may seem true at the moment, but…

It is an exaggeration of the truth

It does not hour the positive qualities of your partner

It is usually communicated in a hostile tone of voice

INSTEAD: Rules for a “softened start-up’

Be concise

In the initial start-up complaint sentence, complain but don't blame

Start with something positive

Make statements that start with ‘i” instead of”you” Describe what is happening but don't evaluate or judge

Talk clearly about what you need

Be polite

Express appreciation

Don't store things up

Restate your feelings in terms of the more vulnerable emotions.

“I know that you've been really busy with the kids, but I can really use some help getting the kitchen cleaned up”

How to avoid unfair behavior (disrespect)

Do not use name calling or put-downs

Do not drag up old wounds from the past

Stay on track; do not go off on a different direction

Do not threaten or intimidate

Do not assume that you will either win or lose the argument

Do not save up all your gripes to dump on your partner all at once

Be careful of “mind-reading” self-talk.

Do not assume the most negative thing about your partner. ASK!

Do not deny the facts. Come clean.

Do not gloat over a “victory” in getting your way

Do not sulk, ignore, pout, withdraw, or give your partner the silent treatment.

Your Opinion Matters
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Updated: November 2023

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