Personal Growth

Relationship Pies

Owning our stuff

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Your opinion matters
Web Wisdom

"Owning our stuff" in relationships means taking responsibility for our actions and feelings

It's realizing that we control 100% of our own pie -- not half of a combined pie. Each person is responsible for their own stuff “inside” their own “pie.”

Accepting our own responsibility for our own pie can help us communicate better, resolve conflicts and help the relationship work.

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Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Ingredients for a healthy relationship pie

-understanding myself and the other

-friendship

-validation

-doing things together

-respect

-self-care - looking after self

-good communication

-trust

-healthy boundaries

-fun

-humility

-self - confidence

-self - sacrifice

-love

-non-judging

-listening

-curious

-laughter

–give space at times

-good sex

-planning lives together

-knowledge

-learning from experience

-money

-income

-safety

-collaboration

-acceptance

-make mistakes and acknowledge them

-forgiveness

**** ONE plus ONE = WE****

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BigJake's Thoughts

There is truth in the idea that each of us and our life stuff resembles a pie of sort.

Lots of different ingredients stuffed into our human physical and emotional shells.

Big pies, small pies, sweet pies, savoury pies etc

Each pie is so different as life is different for each of us. It is important to remember that our world is full of pies.

Our relationship with our partner is a pie all on its own. Our work life is a separate pie with all those complex ingredients and chemical reactions.

**That pies happen is part of our life journey. **

It is what happens in each pie and how the ingredients react and blend that makes a good tasting pie or a bad pie.

We are somewhat in control of how and what role we play in our pie and how we choose to react with the other ingredients.

The other interesting idea is that it usually takes heat to bake a pie and get it well cooked and tasty.

Too little heat and the pie is raw and too much heat and it get s burnt.

What part we want to play in each pie is still up to us to some extent. At the very least we can controle how we react to the other ingredients once the heat is turned up a bit.

Author's Opinion 3

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

The pie

Often when people in a relationship seek help for their problems they think of themselves together as if they were one pie.

They may say “okay, I know I have 50% of the problem but the other person also has at least 50% of the blame” and then its hard to understand why the focus only on “me”.

Why are we focussing on just my side of the ’pie’? Why aren't we talking about the other person’s part of the pie?

Probably this isn't a really good way to think about the problems.

It may be better to think about the problems as two or even three separate ‘pies’.

So each person has their own stuff in their own pie, and their own things to work on. It may be easier for us to look at the other person and point out what is wrong with “their pie”.

The harder thing to do is to put up a mirror and to focus on what’s going on in our own ‘pie’.

That is why it takes a lot of courage to do this work. The focus is looking at ourselves and working at how we can be a better partner for someone.

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Updated: November 2023

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