Taking Action

Stonewalling

OR time-out

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Your opinion matters
Web Wisdom

Stonewalling in a relationship is when one person shuts down when frustrated or overwhelmed and refuses to communicate or listen to the other person.

It's like building a wall between you and your partner, blocking any chance of resolving issues.

This can make the other person feel ignored and can cause problems in the relationship.

It's okay to take a time-out to create emotional and physical space and restore peace.

This break helps manage emotions and prevents saying things you don't mean.

Taking time - out allows a clearer mind for better communication later, fostering understanding and resolving issues.

Stressful situations can lead to poor coping mechanisms or behaviors, and a common one is stonewalling—also known as the silent treatment.

Your Toolbox

If STONEWALLING is withdrawing to avoid conflict and convey disapproval, distance and separation,

then the way to stop this is by self management

Taking a break and spending that time doing something soothing and distracting

Author's Opinion

"Stonewalling is when, during an argument or disagreement, someone begins to shut down, withdraw from the conversation, and build a wall between themselves and the other person," explains trauma-informed psychotherapist Ludine Pierre, LPCC.

She says this tends to happen when the disagreement leaves you flooded with emotions or causes you to experience uncomfortable physiological responses.

"In the moment, it might look like ignoring the other person, tuning out, or distracting yourself with another activity," The goal of creating emotional space and safety to continue the conversation when things have de-escalated.

Author's Opinion 3

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Adapted from Dr. Gottmann 2000

Stonewalling happens when the listener withdraws from the conversation.

The stonewaller might actually physically leave or they might just stopntracking the conversation and appear to shut down.

The Stonewaller may even look like he does not care, but That usually isnt the case.

Typically they are overwhelemed and are trying to calm themselves.

Unfortunately, this seldom works because the partner is likely to asume they dont care enough about the problem to talk about it.

It can be a vicious circle with one person demanding to talk and the other looking for an escape.

**Stonewalling is not a TIME-OUT. **

A timeout communicates respect, indicating the person cares enough about a relationship to take an effort not to cause further damage and that the discussion will continue at a later time.

The antidote to stomewalling is to learn to identify the signs that your partner is starting to feel emotionally overwhelmed and agree together to take a break. (Time Out)

If the problem still needs to be discussed then pick it up when you are calmer.

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Updated: November 2023

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